Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Crying over curdled milk?

When ever I ask a woman stuck in a sad place about her wrong doing man, “was he your best?” the answer is never, ever yes. I have a standing monthly dinner date with a delightfully naughty friend of mine. This month she asked if she could bring someone along and I agreed because she has very good taste in woman friends. By the time I got to the restaurant they were already well warmed up, drinking delicious potent small glasses of this-that and what-not.
My delightfully naughty friend (hereinafter to be known as Delightfully) is as happily married as you can be with a few kids a full time job and no maid. More on her later. The friend she brought with her a newly divorced friend (hereinafter New) with no kids and looking for some settling down love so she can start reproducing. Delightfully revealed to New that I was Diana of the story she had emailed her previously. It seems that as soon as I am revealed as Diana to a naughty sister (and give the disclaimer that anything that they say to me can and will be cleverly disguised and written into a sexy story) the conversation turns and the deepest confessions and juiciest stories start to emerge from the most unlikely sources. I guess we are just all dying to talk to somebody about the ups and downs of our loves and flaming lilies.
Anyway, New was lamenting the fertile years she had wasted on her ex-husband and was feeling a bit intimidated by the prospect of starting again. Delightfully and I reminded her that she was lucky she got away from his awfulness while she still felt young and pretty. To cheer her up a bit I asked her the question I always reserve for my naughty sisters who are crying over split milk that was curdled and should have been thrown out anyway. “Was he the best lover you ever had?" The lesson behind the question being that sometimes we need to let our flaming lilies light the way to an honest perspective. New immediately brightened. Just thinking of her flaming lily’s real champion was making her glow. Delightfully downed the rest of her pineapple this-that and leaned in for details.
New proceeded to describe her post-marital lover’s skills explaining in great detail how he filled in where the ex had fallen short, a virgin when she got with her ex (and a virgin when she left if you ask me seeing as she’d never orgasmed with him) she always suspected there was something better out there and she was still dizzy from her happy discovery. Once the unfortunate ex was dropped from the conversation we were on to an evening of steamy stories and priceless sex tips. So, the next time you are weeping over curdled milk my naughty sisters cheer yourselves up by reminiscing about the one that left you feeling like God herself had given him a book titled "How To Make (fill in your name here) Call Out My Name In Five Languages She Doesn't Even Speak Yet".

1 comment:

  1. You are beyond amazing with your creativity your ability to turn the slightest moment in to an amazing fantasy, making all who read want to experience the exact moment. I am hooked. You have to write my one woman play. Fabulous writer you are!

    Signed your juice messenger

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